In the case of a genuine emergency (e.g. a Nazgul raid) please pray to TOLKIEN, who will assist you first and bill you later.

For anything less than that, either pay a fee of 13, 130 tollers to your College, or grin and bear it, remembering that your accommodations are far more luxurious than were those of most denizens of Middle-earth. And stop complaining about the restrooms! MORAMBAR does not even have a restroom. He is above such petty concerns, and you should be, too!

If you are a faculty member, administrator, or wealthy donor, please dispose of FATS' well-trained first-year students for any necessary labor.


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