You utterly contemptible microchrysophalites! How dare you sully his name, you dogflesh-loving oicks? It is no wonder that poor dear Christoper, the martyr of Sludgepool, hides inside a villa in Provence which is surrounded by a wall and guarded by a vicious wild boar! He had to! His rabid “admirers” (some of them speaking French) left him no choice but to cry “Haddock!” and let slip the boars of war. And he was a much better lover than his father, despite the claims of insinuating snakes. I speak from experience.
P. S. Wikipedia was not involved in this note.