The Throttler

>> Download a sample page <<

The Throttler is FATS' official newspaper, headed by the Press Secretary under the aegis of MORAMBAR and His cnidarian Viceregent Pseudonymus. To confront the lies and false propaganda of Carpenterians and Estatites more cost-effectively, the Great Morambar has nominated the Acting Head of the Department of Journalism, the eloquent Talking Fox of Angmar, Morifund Mitothin, for the position of Press Secretary.

Murdoch wanted him, Microsoft wanted him, Google wanted him, but he chose FATS for his evil and blasphemous purposes. This, if anything, speaks more than any words, of his high dedication for our Cause utter wickedness. His journalistic credo maintains that there is no contradiction between courageous cowardly reportage, blind loyalty to MORAMBAR, and a good instinct for not being killed and being a filthy Communist liar.

Since the Fox's deposition, journalistic standards at the Throttler have improved exponentially, so that it is now the go-to source for Oxfat and all-Fredonian news. Its news coverage has been called "bold," "brazen," and "mendacious."

See also Horus Engels' Commentary on the News, and also Fredonian news, though a lot of it is lies.

Holothuria the Sea-Cucumber

NOTE: TALKING "RED" FOX TURNED OUT TO BE A COMMUNIST TRAITOR, AS OF COURSE WE KNEW ALREADY. HE HAS BEEN FIRED AND DAMNED, AND HIS SCREAMING SOUL SHALL WANDER THE EARTH IN TORMENT AS TOLKIEN DROPS ASHES UPON HIM AND SINGS BOMBADIL SONGS IN HIS EARS. LET HIS EXAMPLE BE A WARNING TO US ALL. HOLOTHURIA THE SEA-CUCUMBER IS ACTING PRESS SECRETARY AND HEAD OF THE DEPT. OF JOURNALISM, WHERE SHE DISPLAYS WIT, CHARM, GRACE, AND THE ABILITY TO NOT BE A COMMIE PINKO LYING TRAITOR SCUM.

Talking Fox, surrounded by plants like a hippie scumbag.

Search