FATS has its own calendar, given us by our CEO Morambar from his gracious Will. It begins with the year of the Birth of Tolkien, so that years are reckoned AT (Anno Tolkieni). The current year (2012 AD) is AT 120. The year begins on 1 Horuary, which corresponds to 4 January in the Gentile calendar. Thus TOLKIEN's "birthday" (really the day of His last avatar) comes at the end of the year, which is spent in anxious waiting and shopping. The months are as follows:

 

Horuary: In honor of Horus Engels, Oldest and Weirdest, forerunner of MORAMBAR and one of the co-founders of FATS

BUQuary: In honor of the Book of Unanswered Questions, the canonical source of Tolkien's Truth

Morch: In honor of MORAMBAR's creation of FATS

Fakeril: In honor of Christopher's FAKE Tolkien canon, a farrago of STUPID RUBBISH that we "celebrate" on Fakeril Fool Day

P-Jay: In honor of the director who had the courage to heed MORAMBAR's wisdom

Dune: In honor of psychotropic substances and MORAMBAR's sandworm cousins

Jelly: In honor of the noble Jellyfish, Pseudonymus, Viceregent of MORAMBAR

Bloggust: In honor of Blogambar, the first avatar of MORAMBAR, our CEO

Fatsember: In honor of the opening of FATS

Hecatober: In honor of the student secretary, Hecate Mensenlarger of the Muffins

Morambar: In honor of MORAMBAR, for this was the month wherein he was re-bodied

JRRTember: In honor of Tolkien, because He produced the Big Bang by lighting His pipe this month

The days of the week (tolkiad) are: Sumday (in honor of the Sacred Bottom Line), Muffinday (in honor of Aunt Heckie), Truthday, Engelsday (in honor of Dr. Horus Engels), MORsday (in honor of MORAMBAR), Die-day, and Jelly-day.

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